Verdict: * * * 1/2 – –

Yesterday I watched Gone Girl where everyday suburban people were dancing  because they did something very bad to someone they loved. Then I happened to see a Wayfarer.com commercial where everyday suburban people were dancing because they bought a really nice sofa for a great price and free shipping.

One of these scenarios I could wrap my head around and the other I just squirmed and grimaced the entire time. It’s not that GG was a bad story (I never read the book but everyone tells me it was so much better). It’s that the characters in GG were complete jerks to each other and practically everyone else… and I’m supposed to be drawn in?

I had heard the premise of the story before renting the movie, so I was already kind of prepared. I went into it as if I were watching a reality show. If you go into movies from a certain point of view, in this case, Nick (Affleck) and Amy (Pike) Dunn are two affluent writers who live in NYC and move to Missouri because Nick’s mom gets sick and needs care. Amy hates Missouri. Oh, and she also hates Nick after a while because he’s such a guy. There are other reasons, and I’ll admit, but the time I saw them unfold, I friggin’ hated Nick too.

But I also hated Amy because she’s essentially a pretentious hoity toity who speaks in a very mysterious, smoky, heady voice and uses big words and walks around hating herself and her life and everything she’s attracted into it. Suddenly <BAM!> Amy goes missing, and because she’s loved worldwide for her children’s books, her disappearance becomes nationwide CNN/Fox fodder and we begin to see what happened.

The entire story is three fold: We see things from 1) his POV, 2) her POV and 3) her diary’s POV. All blended seamlessly and it moves the story along well. Now, I won’t go further because there’s a lot to reveal and even one clue would be a spoiler so I’ll shut up about what happens. I will say that if you go into this movie as if it were a horror/thriller, you’ll be horrified/thrilled. I went into it as if it were a reality show because I identified with the characters about as much as I identify with Honey Boo Boo. This made it a popcorn flick for me and, while everyone else around me gasped, I laughed every time a new twist was revealed. This movie takes itself waaaay too seriously, in my humble. Like any marriage, the marriage in this movie could have used some laughs, but that’s just me!

No one was voted off the island, but the entire movie had me shaking my head thinking “God, these two deserve each other.” and “Thank God I’m not this eff’ed up. My life is lookin’ pretty good right about now!”