Disney does it again! How can you take one of the greatest adventures in the last 100 years and screw it up?  Yep, John Carter went Hollywood. Edgar Rice Burroughs wrote A Princess of Mars in 1917 as a love story, adventure story and most of all a story of undying friendship. I wanted the movie to reflect the incredible emotion I felt when I first read the book, unfortunately, it did not.

John Carter is a southern gentleman and a former officer of the Confederacy loaded with worthless Confederate currency and hunting for gold. In John Carter that is apparently supposed to make up for the loss of his wife and child. Carter manages to find evidence of a “Cave of Spiders,” supposedly filled with gold just waiting to be picked out of the walls. Unfortunately the Union Army wants Carter to aid them in fighting the Apaches that terrorizing the populace. He refuses, violently, manages to escape and, in a nice irony, steals the commander’s horse.

When Apaches attack the soldiers chasing Carter, finally, we see the hero. He snatches the commander from the clutches of the brutal Apache and carries him to a nearby cave. Of course, predictably, it’s the Cave of Spiders. Finding technology there Carter inadvertently transports to Mars and the adventure of two lifetimes. John Carter (Taylor Kitsch) meets the love of his life, Dejah Thoris, and Tars Tarkas a 12 foot tall green alien with 4 arms, two giant tusks and a temper to match. Up to this point the movie is pretty enjoyable.

Unfortunately, the rest of John Carter is a hodgepodge of technology, evil aliens called Therns and an ego maniacal would be Emperor of Mars called Sab Than. Someone forgot about the book, forgot about the principle of a simple story done well and instead just spent a lot of money on fluff.

John Carter is “the best swordsman on two worlds.” Tars Tarkas is the greatest strategist on Barsoom and the deadliest warrior. Kantos Kan is one of the greatest commanders and pilots on the planet. So what do we get in John Carter: a bunch of confusing confrontations with balding aliens (Therns), excessive over the top flying machines and a nutty device that apparently dissolves people. I’ve read A Princess of Mars 30 times since I was 8 and even I was thoroughly confused.

I expected Lord of the Rings, Gladiator or Braveheart style battles with John Carter and Tars Tarkas back to back killing Warhoons, Zodangans and Tharks, amid piles of bodies (this only happened once and it was the best part of the movie for me). What I got was some neat technology, creepy aliens and Star Trek transporter-like technology.

One of the most puzzling element of John Carter was the casting. There were some great picks: Lynn Collins as Dejah Thoris, James Purefoy as Kantos Kan and even Dominic West as Sab Than among others, but then there was Taylor Kitsch as John Carter. He was adequate, but without the screen presence of great action heroes. Noone steals a scene from Bruce Willis, Harrison Ford or Sean Connery. Even the evil Matai Shang (Mark Strong) managed to steal scenes from Kitsch. John Carter is one of the first and greatest action heroes. They seem to have forgotten this for John Carter, the movie.

Disney could have saved themselves a hundred million dollars, developed a “period” style action movie with flashing swords, primitive flying machines, developing friendships and a great love story and had a really good movie. Add in all the missing fight scenes from A Princess of Mars and it would have been great!

Rating 3.5 stars out of 5.

Gritty, dark and raw, Act of Valor manages to combine intense action, great special effects and a pretty good, if small, story without ever resorting to acting. The movie uses real life Navy SEALs, instead of actors, to achieve a realism seldom seen in modern day film. Unfortunately for many in the audience, mostly critics, Act of Valor lacks the dramatic effect actors bring to a film. I don’t agree. In Act of Valor, the dramatic effect comes from the battle scenes, not in some contrived interpersonal crisis. The director of Valor eliminates much of the phony sympathy and artificial empathy present in most modern war films in favor of pure action. Make no mistake, Act of Valor is a real take on war and the violence therein.

The plot is simple: a Chechen Islamic terrorist named Abu Shabal (Jason Cottle) plans to bring violence to the United States in the form of suicide bombers. Shabal, with the help of his boyhood friend Christo (Alex Veadov), a Jewish international drug smuggler, get access to bomb vests loaded with ceramic ball bearings undetectable in metal detectors.   They are to cross the border with Mexico bringing terror in their wake. The plan is to set off the vests in crowded tourist sites and stadiums to maximize the effect the devastation. Shabal assumes the brutal attacks will destroy the American economy, traumatize the populace and, presumably, cause a backlash that will mobilize the Muslim world. Yes, not terribly original but still effective. The job of the Navy SEALs: track them down and stop Shabal and his bombers (using extreme force if necessary).

What makes Act of Valor work is its dependence on intense action and extreme violence. I think we all could have done without the uninspired dialogue, the poorly delivered emotional content and contrived empathy, exactly what you’d expect from non-actors. Of course it’s what the audience expected. The whole point of the movie, and it was all over the media, we wanted “navy SEALs, not actors.” The general public likes the film the vast majority of critics do not. Act of Valor is exactly “as advertised.”

The critics though crawled up on their pedestals and rained down scorn: paraphrasing some, “It’s not a movie,” or “it’s a recruiting film.” No! Act of Valor is an attempt to let real Navy Seals tell their own story in their own way. Unfortunately the filmmakers included too much human interest for amateurs to handle. Please, if you attend the film and I think you should, go for the action, go for the riveting gunboat scene or go to see what it looks like for real Navy SEALs to be in a firefight. Don’t go if you want to see an emotional sob fest.

Lastly, Act of Valor is by no means a recruiting film. An Officer and a Gentleman,Top Gun even Patton inspired me, Act of Valor scared the hell out of me. There was no exaggeration of glory, excitement or even beautiful women. Sadly lacking were the great cars, motorcycles and Meg Ryan, Debra Winger or Kelly McGillis.  In fact, the SEALs were shown with little personal control, far away from their families, for months at a time, and in constant danger. Not my idea of a recruiting film.

I strongly recommend Act of Valor for action junkies, war movie fanatics and the strong of stomach, all else BEWARE!!!

Rating 3.5 stars out of 5!

Okay, I love this trailer and cannot wait to see the movie. The Trouble With Bliss is going to be one of my favorite small films ever. there is something just kind of wonderful about its simplicity. If the movie is as good as the trailer I’ll expect you all to be there first weekend! Release Date: Mar. 23. Check out the trailer now and our mini-review when the film comes out!

I tend to love the really weird trailers and this one certainly qualifies. I can’t say I’m dying to see Blue Like Jazz but I love Jazz so who knows! Release Date: April, 13th.

I got the idea that there are probably as many opinions about the Academy Awards this year as there are presenters. Hence the first annual Movie Madness Podcast poll of the Oscar show. Vote today!

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I must say, I thoroughly enjoyed this year’s Academy Awards. It was like watching the Oscars with my grandparents: a throwback to the 1950s. The jokes were funny, if mostly safe.The acceptance speeches were mostly sweet and not challenging. The outfits were beautiful as were the presenters.

I can’t even say I was surprised by the awards. I didn’t catch any real politics or a travesty of justice. I must say I didn’t really find myself blown away by any of the nominees either. This year was rather a yawn for movies and the Oscars.

Billy Crystal, I thought, was a great choice to recover some of the charm of the Oscars but hardly a stretch or look to the future. Though I shudder to think what would happen if they pass the mantle to Will Ferrell or Zach Galifianakis.

I don’t have much else to say this year except: thank you Cirque du Soleil for adding a touch wonder.

In the new Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance, Nicholas Cage, stars once again as Johnny Blaze, former daredevil and current emissary of revenge for hell. His mission: to save the son of Satan (Ciarán Hinds) from his devilish father. Danny (Fergus Riordon), Satan’s son and soon to be Anti-Christ according to the Ghost Rider, is joined by his mother Nadya (Violante Placido) in attempting to escape his demonically abusive father. Satan wants to use the boy’s body as a vessel for his evil majesty, because a normal human body is nearly powerless.

Aiding his fiery-ness in capturing and holding Danny is Ray Carrigan (Johnny Whitworth), a particularly lame villain. He’s a second rate character and hardly threatening. Satan eventually grants Ray immense (if ridiculous) power: the ability to cause the degradation of all things except Twinkies. For a 3D film the power is just as underwhelming as it sounds, in fact the entire film is unnecessarily underwhelming for 3D.  The bulk of the film is a long chase scene with the expected crashes and explosions. I personally found the chase scenes uninspired, the crashes unremarkable and the explosions mundane.

What’s puzzling is why Blaze, as Ghost Rider, is fighting with his boss, Satan. It’s never clear in Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance how the Rider has the freedom. After all, the evil one has control of his soul. It’s also puzzling how Cage could be involved with such a dismal and uninspired project.

A grim reminder of how bad a movie can be, Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance manages to disappointment at every level. There is almost no humor, the action seems artificial and contrived and the CGI is lame and inconsistent. In the original film the Ghost Rider’s flaming bike left a streak of burning asphalt down the highway, in this film there’s not even a trail. There are maybe three lame jokes in the film and they’re so weak it’s impossible to remember them. Even the action is like that in a bad biker movie. Fight scenes are derivative and predictable.

I don’t understand the direction either. In the first confrontation scene the Rider drives into the middle of Carrigan’s gang and stands, and stands and stands. He looks ominous, sure, but never attacks. He could have killed the entire gang in a few seconds. I understand, artistically, why the director had Ghost Rider stand interminably (unfortunately, had he acted, the Rider could have killed Carrigan’s gang, rescued the boy and saved the day). The movie, thankfully, would have been over in 20 minutes and I wouldn’t have had to suffer for the full hour and a half.

One more thing…how in the “blazes” can Ray Carrigan pull out his gun fill Ghost Rider full of holes and have Johnny Blaze end up in the hospital. Ghost Rider has always been able to take immense punishment with impunity. Later the Rider takes direct hits from shoulder fired rockets and shakes them off. This type of inconsistency is small compared to the rest of this mess of a film but it is a distraction. I would never recommend Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance even to the most hardcore movie maniac.

Rating 0.5 out of 5.

How can a movie called Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter not be great. Well, I said the same thing about Van Helsing. The trailer looks awesome and how bad can it really be, well pretty bad, but let’s hope!

“Beyond sanity, beyond control” and beyond freaky is the new trailer for Beyond the Black Rainbow. Not sure whether I’d ever see it but at least it’s a trailer to freak out on. The movie is out June 1st, 2012.

Gritty, dark and depressing, Safe House manages to thoroughly underwhelm. With Ryan Reynolds and Denzel Washington in the lead I was expecting Safe House to be filled with excellent dialogue, thrilling chase scenes and real chemistry. Instead I found myself in a predictable repeat: rogue agent, disenchanted, dispirited and turned against the establishment. Denzel Washington is the traitor,Tobin Frost, an ex-agent that the CIA wants desperately.They finally have him.

Hunted by unknown enemies Frost turns himself in at the American Consulate, South Africa. Guess what, the CIA has a “safe house” in South Africa manned by Matt Weston (Ryan Reynolds), a bored to tears “housekeeper” waiting for his chance at adventure. Weston gets it in torrents when Frost’s enemies break in, kill the guards and destroy the safe house. Only barely do Weston and Frost escape and manage to contact the agency. Frost, a particularly annoying manipulator, manages to infuriate Weston by constant chatter, violent attempts to escape and general uncooperativeness.

The bulk of the film is about Frost’s attempts to get free and Weston’s attempts to hold him and, once Tobin gets loose, recapture him. Unfortunately Safe House never really works. Frost and Weston don’t relate well, Frost does not garner sympathy until way to late and there is never a connection between Frost and Weston. There is plenty of action in the film, lots of good fight scenes and some great chase scenes but Safe House is not as much sheer fun as the Bourne or Transporter series, though it is more believable.

Sadly, Safe House is predictable, pedantic and derivative. The idea of safe houses available for questioning (including water boarding) placed strategically around the world is the only intriguing element to the film. Everything else has been done. Even the Safe House idea is underused in favor of the action sequences. I would have loved to see Reynolds and the CIA staff interacting more in the “house.”

Expectedly, the film has the seemingly compulsory political statement embedded: the CIA is a villainous organization that expeditiously uses its operatives then destroys them without a second thought. I think that’s part of what ruins the film…the message is forced. Oh, and also, the leadership of the agency is more than ready to torture, abuse and break all the rules, even killing each other with not a second thought. This is Bourne Identity only without the heart.

I don’t recommend Safe House. Perhaps if you’re stranded on a desert island with only a generator, TV, DVD player and Safe House it might be worth watching, otherwise it’s a great miss.

Rating 2 out of 5