Verdict: ★ ★

Why did a single, 300 page book like The Hobbit get made into an overblown, added to, filler-filled, eye-roll-worthy movie trilogy with all the trimmings… while a 13-novel, kick-ass, amazingly written fantasy fiction series get condensed down to a single, hum-drum 102 minute popcorny flick? How does that happen?

Joseph Delaney had created an entire world of monsters and witches and those who hunt them with full historical background and ideas, not to mention a story line that makes most of what comes out of Hollywood look like children’s number and color books… all under the heading The Last Apprentice. I recommend them for anyone interested!

So needless to say, I was a little excited to see a movie being made. One I figured might be the start of a cool trilogy, but as it seems… all of the Last Apprentice’s lessons were neatly trimmed and we pretty much got a “before and after” look at what could have been an amazing series of movies. Heck, I’ve seen slower transitions in my teenage daughter’s behavior when she gets grounded from her stereo.

When Mother Malkin (Julianne Moore), an ancient witch suddenly gets a surge of power because of a rare Blood Moon appearing, she sees it as her opportunity to take over the world. Unfortunately for her, the only thing standing in her way is famed monster hunter Master Gregory (Jeff Bridges in his best Bane from The Dark Knight Rises voice) and his young apprentice Tom (Ben Barnes, who always seems to look astonished in every movie I’ve ever seen him in for some reason).

Tom’s your typical arrogant, trips over his own feet apprentice and the only things that separate him from Micky Mouse are the brooms carrying buckets of water. A few not so funny laughs come and go but don’t really break up the tension <coffcoffmonotanycoffcoff> of a sudden onslaught of witch-monsters who are attacking villages. A little bit of romance between our hero Tom and a young witch named Alice come and go, but it really does nothing for the story because neither Tom or Alice really seem to know how to act romantic. Mostly they just stare at each other from across a field or when right next to each other, exchange smirks.

<BAM!> Suddenly Tom’s bad ass and knows how to swing swords and fight legions of assassins with nothing but a staff. Holy cats! Where did this guy come from?

All in all, this movie is okay if you want to see some interesting CGI monster action, but even then, there’s not much of it. I’d say spend your money at Amazon on some of Joseph Delaney’s books instead. You’ll get a lot more out of them and since they’re young-adult, your kids might also!

Verdict: ★ ★ ★ 1/2

Jupiter Ascending… or should I say Jupiter descending! I’m serious… this girl repeatedly fell hundreds of feet through the air in this movie, over and over. Every time she turned around, the floor dropped out from under her or an entire city block fell over and she was on the highest tower. For some reason, no one could keep Jupiter on the ground and things were always coming apart.

That’s okay, good stunts are hard to find. Especially when the stunts are done through really pretty scenery. The Wachowski sibs have a knack for ultra-realistic graphics in very unrealistic situations. The Matrix and V For Vendetta were very pretty movies and this is also very pretty. You can watch this flick again and again just to view the beautiful set pieces built on a computer and just to enjoy them for what they are.

The first things I heard from many critics who’d seen this are that the story is boring and the romantic twist is so dull it makes a brick look appealing. Okay, to address that… this movie’s backbone is basically a corrupt politician trying to ice his competition. Booooring! However, the meat on the bones is what makes the movie work. Enter Caine Wise (Channing Tatum) who is a half wolf/half human hybrid legionnaire soldier who has the uncanny ability to track down anyone. He is hired by one of the sons in the most powerful dynasty in the Universe to hunt down the genetic lottery winner Jupiter Jones (Mila Kunis) who is destined to take over as heir to the dynasty. Or something.

Problem is one of the other sons of the dynasty, Balem (Eddie Redmayne) is a corrupt douchebag who wants to take over everything. That’s the boring part and his entire character is boring. Sheezus, I couldn’t hang out with this guy for even five minutes without killing myself. He just sits around and says quiet, threatening, egotistical phrases to everyone and has entire planets decimated with the snap of his tiny fingers.

Zzzzz… <snort> Sorry, I just fell asleep talking about him. Where was I? Oh yes, Caine and Jupiter together basically are the meat of the flick, and wherever they go, action follows. The best alien spaceship dogfight over Chicago that I’ve ever seen on film (or is it the only one?) is pretty early on in this movie and I enjoyed it immensely. It was right up there with the last space battle in Return of the Jedi for me. I loved it and for that reason alone, I’d buy this flick on DVD.

However, this brings me to the critics’ second problem: the romance between Caine and Jupiter. It’s pretty humdrum. She basically falls for him in the first few seconds of their meeting because… Channing Tatum with pointed ears. Who wouldn’t fall for that? He also rescues her from death, but that’s beside the point… he rescues her from death pretty much the entire flick through. However, he doesn’t fall for her back because he’s a soldier and soldiers don’t fall for royalty. So every step she takes toward him he takes a step back and the romance remains shallow and not tense at all. Until later when he basically decides to hell with the old days of soldiering and allows himself a little fun. Then the romance gets a little deeper. But not much because… Channing Tatum.

Channing Tatum is about as deep an actor as The Rock. I love watching them kick ass, but if anything more is asked of their acting ability, disappointment will follow. But that’s okay since this is mostly an action flick with pretty scenery.

12. Yankee Doodle Dandy (1942)

There’s something pure and wonderful about Yankee Doodle Dandy. It’s just like America should be: full of music and joy! A great gangster, roughneck and tough guy in other films, James Cagney still manages to, single handedly, make this film one of the great musicals of all time. There’s something incredibly patriotic about Cagney’s portrayal of George M. Cohan and elevated an already sterling career.

The writer of such great songs as “Over There” and “It’s a Grand Old Flag,” and a star of both Vaudeville and Broadway, Cohan really is (and was) an American hero. Cagney’s performance honored Cohan as few actors could, and, provided Cohan with his only Oscar win. He more than deserved it! Cagney had to play a world class singer, dancer and actor and he did it in brilliant style.

One thing you cannot miss, if you’re a Movie Maniac like me, is Eddie Foy Jr. playing Eddie Foy Sr. from “Eddie Foy and The Seven Little Foys.” He’s great in the role, and the interplay between he and Cagney is legendary. It must be experienced to be believed. Check out the film, you will not be disappointed.

Okay, I promise, this movie will make a ton at the box office…unfortunately so. San Andreas will probably be the most physically (and geologically) impossible catastrophe movie ever made and spawn more of the same. I trust that people will see it in droves, without any thought to the logic inspiring it. What will be unbearable, at least to me, is the presence of Dwayne Johnson.

It makes a bad disaster film somewhat tolerable, should there be an excellent actor, but when a pure action hero shows up it usually makes a disaster film a mockery. I hearken to The Day After Tomorrow. Dennis Quaid is hardly an excellent actor but he brought some gravitas to an otherwise ludicrous attempt. I bemoan the choice of “The Rock,” but, oh well, I’ll be there the first weekend. Stay tuned for the review! See you there May 29th!

Hey, have you ever wondered which Sci-Fi movie characters are the absolute best? Well, we at the Movie Madness Podcast sure have. Doug, Jeremy and I were fierce in defense of our favorite picks and almost came to blows (slight exaggeration :)). I guarantee you’re going to be shocked at some of our picks, just as we were.

We decided to add a little something special to this episode. Just imagine you’re in the Black Hills of South Dakota and, instead of presidents on Mt. Rushmore, you see your favorite science fiction characters. How much fun would that be. I’m telling you…visits to Mt. Rushmore would skyrocket! Heck, I’d go at least once a year.

I can guarantee a few shocks, a few pleasant surprises and even nice pat on the head for me from Doug. I had a blast doing this episode and even more fun listening to it afterwards. I think the other guys did too but you’re going to have to listen to find out!

I dare you to listen to us and come up with five better. You’ll be hard pressed, I promise. Just think about it. Would you pick Captain Kirk or Jean-Luc Picard, or how about Robbie the Robot, Hal 9000, or maybe one of the Terminators. Would you rather have a beer with Godzilla or King Kong? I can tell you which ones I’d choose, but you’re definitely going to have to tune in to find out if we picked any one of these, or did we go a whole different direction? You don’t listen, you’ll never know. Once you do, please give us your picks at: moviemadnesspodcast@gmail.com or call the voice mail # 260-573-0015 or post them to Twitter, Facebook or the Ultimate Movie Geeks community on Google+

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Verdict: ✰ ✰ ✰ 1/2 –  –

As a long time fan of the Fast and Furious movies, I have an emotional stake in the characters that have driven this entire series. Vin Diesel’s acting, with the possible exception of looking angry, has the emotional depth of an engine block. But his almost insistent pounding of loyalty to his family in all these movies are what makes him the rock he is that everyone clings to. When the motor oil hits the fan, you know it’s okay because you expect him to be there with a four foot lug wrench in his hand, looking the bad guy dead in the eye without any backing down. And that can be comforting.

Paul Walker (rest in peace), on the other hand, has emotion pouring from those blue eyes of his. You never see Paul without a smile on his face unless he’s pissed… which isn’t often. I have always loved seeing Paul come on screen in any movie he is in because he takes things easy, is always at least a little humored by the situation, no matter how dire, and everything seems to fall into place with him there. I’ve always pictured Paul Walker as the Hollywood actor who forgot he was a Hollywood actor and just acted human. Humble. Grateful. In love with life. He, as a person, amazes me.

That said, this movie is all action from the first moment to the last. Clocking in at 137 minutes, this flick pushes the PG-13 envelope and keeps the language clean while doing stunts that literally had me gripping the armrests and saying the dirty words for them. Fortunately, I saw this movie during Avengers 2’s opening weekend and I was alone in the theater.

Sebastian Shaw’s big brother Deckard (Jason Statham) is right at home kicking all kinds of ass and making Hobbs (Dwayne Johnson) and Dom Toretto (Vin Diesel) work overtime as he avenges his little brother from that ass kicking he took in Furious 6. This time, Dom and his family aren’t alone. Along for the ride is a humorous, fellow ass kicker named Mr. Nobody (Kurt Russell the way I remember him from the old days) who is above the pay grades of most black ops types. He’s the guy who tells Men In Black what to do! And he happens to have been hunting Deckard Shaw for some years now.

As it is, he and Dom are after the same thing for different reasons. So much for street racing in L.A. Hello counter-terrorism! And yet, taking it to the streets is exactly how Dom and his family get it done. With fast cars, smart plans, and lots of guts. Street Racing in L.A…. not to mention flying cars across Abu Dhabi… has never seen this level of power! Everyone in this movie is tough. And all throughout, everyone gets to show what they can really do. No one on the planet can tell me that hand to hand combat between Michelle Rodriguez and American Mixed Martial Artist Ronda Rousey is a cat fight. This was one of the best fights I’ve seen on screen yet!

By the time the two hour and seventeen minute mark rolled by, I had to pee so bad it hurt, but I couldn’t skip anything. <rant> Bring intermissions back, Hollywood! </rant> But I will say this… the tribute this movie and its cast performed for their late comrade, Paul Walker, was extraordinarily beautiful and I, for one, admit that I bawled like a baby! Not because he will be missed (he will be very missed) but because they made the tribute to him seem as though Paul Walker is still here with all of us, still a part of our journey, though he is for certain on other journeys now. The beauty of just simple looks, from the actors on screen during this tribute, can speak volumes and are told in just a few short minutes. This tribute alone made this movie priceless, at least to me.

Which leads me to the oddly placed spiritual aspect of Furious Seven… which helped it stand apart from the first six of the series. All throughout it was implied that “Eternity is in this moment” and the idea that being mindful, an ancient spiritual practice in many religions, gave the movie a level of depth I wasn’t expecting. It was touching and kept me grounded as I watched.

All in all, this was a very nice ending to a long series of extraordinary action movies that true fans will very much enjoy.

Ex Machina looks creepy good, but I’m not sure it’s for everyone. That said, it’s definitely for me. I love the edgy feel of “real” Sci-Fi and love the idea and reality of this film. Stay tuned for my review when this one comes out! Now I just have to hunt it down so I can watch it.

13. Moulin Rouge (2001)

There are moments in Moulin Rouge that were so chilling that I couldn’t take my eyes from the screen, Nicole Kidman so startlingly beautiful and delicate that my heart rose to my throat and Ewan McGregor so innocent and vulnerable that my heart ached. Even the music, though modern and distracting at times, manages to get a rise of emotions in me few films have done. Had the director been able to do that with original music Moulin Rouge would have been in the top ten, but as it stands it’s still one of the best ever.

14. Meet Me in St. Louis (1944)

An Oscar nominated film and only once was Judy Garland better, (that film is further up the list) Meet Me in St. Louis is one of the musicals I would consider the most fun. The score is great, the filming bright and cheery and all in all a must see film! There’s not a lot more to say, except: everyone that calls themselves a movie fanatic should have see this great movie. Shame on you if you have not.

The Hobbit
An Unexpected movie review!

Spoiler alert! Spoiler alert! AAAOOOOGAH! AAAOOOOGAH!!
Turn back now if you don’t want any flick deets!
You’ve been warned!

This post is designed as a discussion for those who have already seen the movie. If you haven’t seen it yet, drop what you’re doing and go now then come back! (laughs) If you have seen it, by all means, let me know what you think!

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Okay, this movie was nothing like the book… but it kicked butt anyway. The only thing I really saw that was similar to J.R.R. Tolkien’s 330 page paperback (across which they made three full sized, 2+ hour movies) was the names of the dwarves, Gollum and the Ring, and the fact that there are orcs in it. I’m sure there are other similarities that I just don’t remember.

I am discovering Peter Jackson’s knack for organizing Tolkien’s words and making them into a more streamlined and easier to understand adventure. I gotta be honest, I almost didn’t make it through Tolkien’s four Ring books because they were (to me) extraordinarily scattered. I may be alone in that. I have a friend who reads the entire Ring novel set every year without fail.

The movies, however, were linear and easy to entertain. The Hobbit (first movie) is no exception. Even the opening title shot is dead on similar to the original trilogy! Again: Spoiler alert! Do not read further if you want to be surprised!! I won’t say who’s in it, but I will say this… Gandalf isn’t the only one from the original trilogy who is coming back. That’s what I really loved about what Jackson did with this. He fit it into the full series perfectly as if they were all filmed together.

Now, that said, nothing in this movie was new and would knock your socks off. I mean, at least Star Wars, Eps 1-3 had original creatures in it. This one didn’t… you’ve seen ’em all before. But, for a prequel that ties up loose ends from the LOTR movies (that we all wanted to see tied) it works.

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The Hobbits 2 and 3

Wait. I don’t even remember the second movie. There was a dragon, I think. And um… Hm.

Okay, here’s the deal folks. I wrote the first review above after I saw the first Hobbit in theaters back in 2012. I saw the second Hobbit movie and was so disgruntled by the change of pace from the first movie, that I came home and took a nap instead of review it. Bilbo doesn’t change his monotone pace of dialogue at all, or the way he presents his character in expression. Everything he says, and I mean everything, is delivered with a quick look of surprise before giving a “if it’s what I can do for you, I’ll do it” sort of speech, after which everyone smiles or looks at him gratefully. That’s pretty much it. There are lots of action sequences that I’m certain will make awesome rides, especially a crazy barrel ride down a stream in the middle of a fight with those relentless orcs.

Oh! And an elf girl who wasn’t even in the book is having a game of footsies with Kili the movie’s dwarvish eye-candy. This was one of the most shallow Hollywood romances I’ve ever been spoonfed. I think I would have enjoyed this romance more if it’d been Bombur, the fat, goofy dwarf who would have had to put down what he’s eating first before saying something swoonworthy to Tauriel’s gleaming elf eyes. Then, at least, I’d have gotten a laugh out of it.

I didn’t even want to see the third one by the time the credits rolled. See, in the LOTR movies, the creatures we saw were all pretty much archetypically original. The Nazgul, the balrog… even Sauron’s minions had some originality to them. The creatures, antagonists, all had a history. The Nazgul, nine kings of men given the rings of Sauron. The balrog, a creature of ancient earth-forming origin who had been “awoken” in the deep by greedy dwarves. History means originality and originality means movie tickets bought! I enjoyed all these creatures as antagonists that the movie’s heroes had to deal with in the LOTR movies.

Not one of The Hobbit’s antagonists were original. Not one. Giant man-eating spiders… saw a better one in Return of the King and she had a name and a history behind her. Cave trolls… saw it in The Fellowship, and Boromir made a joke about it. Big dragon… saw it in Reign of Fire. Wait, that wasn’t a Tolkien flick. Oh well, it’s been done already. If you’re gonna give me a big dragon that plays games with the Hobbit, at least make it worth my time. Don’t just give me ten minutes of dialogue between the two and call it good. Strip out some of that romance time and put more dragon/Hobbit time in there. The entire trilogy built up to that one moment! But no.

Even Laketown’s Master (a mayor or whatever he was) had a Wormtongue-esque 2nd in command who was a weasel and followed him around murmuring things to change power and make the Master change his mind about how policy should be run. Seen it before in Rohan! Come on, Peter! Some originality would be good here!

So the third one comes out and I surprise everyone I know and don’t go see it. I Red Boxed it and frankly, I’m glad I did. More of Bilbo’s surprised-expressions, more relentless orcs, more sweeping scenes of thunderous armies marching toward something. The third movie carried some halfway decent fight scenes, but most of them were so outlandish they made even the Fast and Furious fight scenes look like reality. And again, the dragon… the one antagonist for which the entire journey to the Lonely Mountain was started, gets way too little screen time.

And where were the songs in the second two movies?? There were two pretty cool songs the dwarves all sang in the first one… one was a catchy little ditty they all danced to while washing Bilbo’s dishes and the second one was one they all crooned while enjoying their evening smoke! Awesome!!

The second two movies… nothing. No songs. None! What the hell?

All in all, The Hobbit as a trilogy is a very poor offspring from its wonderful predecessor trilogy and doesn’t live up to it at all. My wife wants to keep all of them on the shelf so we have the full collection, but when I asked her if she even liked the Hobbit movies, she shrugged. “Naw.”

By the way, I have The Hobbit 1 and 2 dvds for sale if anyone would like to buy them.